TEH CREDO SHOW! Season Two
by IlikeTHINGS
Summary: The return of Credo was imminent. And you know you wanted it. Credo is back with Trish now narrating the story and Agnus still as the annoying sidekick! Rated T for language. It's likely to change though.
1. Behind The Scenes

_So, guys. It's been a while. And I should have done this in the holidays but I couldn't be bothered. Anyway, as a new story altogether, another disclaimer is required. But you guys already know that I don't own Devil May Cry. So on to the important stuff._

_**TEH CREDO SHOW!!!  
**Season Two_

**Episode One: Behind The Scenes.**

_(The narration setting is in the CONDOM movie studio, which is based with a certain game making company. Trish is going to propose a script to the executive as Mr Kobayashi-san guy couldn't find a good idea to fuck up the sequel. In fact it is no longer a 'narration' as it will be heard throughout the story but this will actually be shown instead off a voice over. Okay, I'll just change the font if it's a voice over okay?)_

Executive: So how are we supposed to screw our fans and then win them back with very chessy dialogue?

Trish: But the story already has cheesy dialogue...

Executive: Fine. Then we'll advertise things on the next story!

Trish: But that's risky!

Executive: Yeah, well so is having some guy fuck around a tower yelling 'LET'S PARTY!!!', like a fucking college student.

Dante: Hey! I was trying to be a high school student as much as I could!

Trish: Maybe we could replace Credo with Vergil and dress him up like...

Vergil: Not interested(continues to read a book)...

Trish: Fucking Vergil!!!

Executive: Come on, Trish! We need you to have a shit idea! I wouldn't want to do to you what I did to Kamiya...!(Points outside of window)

(Kamiya is dancing around in a Sonic The Hedgehog suit)

Kamiya: La, di, da, la, di, da(notices Executive). Oh, hey George!!! When are we going to make Devil May Cry 2 together!? **WHEN!?!!!11!?!**

(Trish shudders nervously)

Trish: Oh! I got it!!!

(The whole picture changes to Credo, standing in Heaven)

_Trish: Okay, so he is in Heaven..._(Credo smiles)_and he is Captain Of The Pirate Ship that is in the Caribbean._(Credo smiles more)

_Dante: Isn't the Caribbean on Earth, not Heaven?(_Credo frowns)

_Trish: Ohhhh, mighty geologist! How great of you to locate the Caribbean! How about telling us how to make a story!?!? Huh!?!! HUH!?!?!!!?_(Credo chants 'Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!')

_Dante:...Bitch..._(Credo laughs)_._

_Trish: Anyway, he goes around arresting people because of their crimes because he's a Captain!_

_Dante: Of pirates!!!_

_Trish: Are you on CSI now!!?!_

_Dante: No, it just doesn't take a fucking Sherlock to figure that out!!!_

_Trish: What the hell does a famous detective have to do with crime!?_

_Dante: This is why Enzo refuses to go out with you? Because you're an idiot!_

_Trish: No, it's because he's trying to keep away from hookers, but I don't know why that relates to me..._

_Executive: Enough!!!_

_Dante: Sorry..._

_Trish: Yeah, my bad..._

_Executive: Okay, so what is your script?_

_Trish: Okay well, then..._

(The picture changes to Credo arresting a few people in his pirate ship with that weird Law & Order theme song in the background for two minutes. After that, the picture changes to Credo watching TV.).

TV News Reporter: ...and onto other news, Credo, the new Lieutenant in town has made many arrests since he has come from Hell. He has arrested the many involved for his false sentence to Hell such as the angel that left him in Hell and the person on the phone that was such an asshole to him. It is reported that he now has evidence to take in...

(TV is turned off. The camera turns to Credo holding the remote control like a badass)

Credo: You know that was going to come back to haunt you buddy...

(Credo turns around to find two other angels arresting the Grim Reaper).

Grim Reaper: NO!!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!! GOD TOLD ME TO!!! **_GAHD TELLEDED ME TO!!!!!!_**

Angel: Tell it to the judge...

Angel 2: Yeah, you're going away for a long time...

Grim Reaper: Please, let me go! (Leaps at Credo for forgiveness, on his knees) Please, it's God's fault!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!! (An angel take him away and he screams like a woman).

(The scene changes to God(Played by Morgan Freeman) sitting on his throne)

God: Shit, I think he's getting suspicious! I need to go in hiding...

Angel: There's currently a free spot for someone who wants to be the part of a multimillion business and makes a suit and a car for a vigilant that only comes out at night....

God: Fuck! I was hoping for a Dirty Harry movie that wanted a black actor! Ah well...(disappears into dust)

(Credo kicks down the door)

Credo: Where is he!?

Angel: I don't know who you're talking about!

(A guy called Bruce appears)

Bruce: Hi! (Begins reading a piece of paper) I'm supposed to be God for a day...

Credo: You're coming with me!

(Credo arrests 'God' for one count of sending him to Hell in order to get 10,000 demons killed).

(The setting is changed at a bar as people celebrate Credo saving the day, by arresting everyone.)

Angel cops: Yeah, nice one buddy (Everyone hi-fives Credo).

Credo: Yeah, I know but I couldn't have done it without....

(Agnus pops out of nowhere)

Agnus: ME!!!!!

Credo: Uhhhhhhhhh....What?

Agnus: Me!

Credo: What?

Agnus: Me...?

Credo: ......

(Hot angel chick walks to Credo)

Credo: Oh yeah, I couldn't do this without my wife, right here. She does something that I have to thank her for.

(Everyone celebrates and Agnus moves sadly to a dark corner and begins to sniffle)

_(Dante disrupts the narration audio by snoring and the picture changes to the boardroom where Dante is sleeping and Trish and the Producer look at him, annoyed.)_

Trish: Fucking dickhead! (Zaps his arm and Dante jumps out of his chair) Anyway...

(The picture changes back to the story and the party is over. Credo is the last to go home and as he is walking to his car in a dark alley in the middle of Heaven, he hears something.)

_Dante: Wait, why is there a dark alley in the middle of Heaven?!_

_Trish: Shut up! It's part of the something that I'm doing...Just watch the story!!!_

Credo: What? Who's there? (The noise is from a huge bush in the middle of the dark alley and Credo begins to walk towards it)

_Dante: What?! Now there's a bush in the middle of a dark alley?!_

_Producer: Shut up Dante, or I'll cut your salary!!!_

_Dante: Yuck, celery!_

(Credo walks into the bush and more noise is heard)

Credo: Who is it?

(The noise begins to come from a wardrobe in the bush)

_Dante: Are you fucking kidding me!? You zapped me awake for this!?!!?11?!!11_

(Credo walks into the wardrobe and finds himself back in Hell, and God appears out of nowhere)

God: Ha, ha!!! You fell into my trap card!!! (Reveals Yu-Gi-Oh card, 'The Lion, The God and The Wardrobe to Hell!!!')

Credo: Dammit!!! You said that you forfeit that game! Son of a bitch!!! (Life points go down from 4000 to 3900)

God: As long as you spend an hour in Hell, you lose one hundred life points!!! And if you don't kill over nine thousaaaaannnddd demons, you lose our game and you die in Hell!!! Muahahahahahahaha!!!!! (Teleports out of Hell)

Credo: Not again!!! At least I'm not stuck with...

(Agnus appears out of nowhere)

Credo: **FUCK!!!!**

_So that's it. I hope I haven't lost it though. Don't want it to be too long so hopefully I suceeded. _

_I'll be back soon..._


	2. Assassins Credo

_Okay guys, I'm back! Sorry I wasn't updating the 'show' for a while, I was busy and stuff. Now with my half-assed excuse out of the way, more misadventures!!!_

_(BTW, there is one plot hole from this episode that conflicts with the first fan-fic's episodes, whoever guesses it gets a cyber-cookie!)_

**Episode Two: Assassins Credo.**

_(Okay, so the setting for this is that Trish has called in sick for the meeting and with Lady at the bottom of a bottomless pit and Kyrie dead, there is no other Devil May Cry girl to represent her other than…Lucia!!! Dante stares at her with contempt throughout the meeting and the Executive Producer is condescending towards…Okay fuck this analysis, here's the show)_

Lucia: Hey guys! I'm so glad you gave me a second chance to prove that I'm a worthy character in the franchise!!

Dante: You're just doing a favor for Trish, you dumbass chicken woman!

(Lucia opens her mouth to protest but the Executive Producer interrupts her)

Producer: So what did Trish tell you to tell us?

Lucia: Oh, she gave me a script on what to read…Okay, here goes (Clears throat): Hi, my name is Lucia and I starred in Devil May Cry 2…

Dante: What Devil May Cry 2?

Lucia: (Gulps), Okay well this is what is going to happen in the second episode of 'The Credo Show!'

_(The picture changes to Credo and Agnus walking around Hell when they come across a village.)_

Credo: God dammit!!! How did you get here!?!?!11?!!

Agnus: Well I was playing God in a game of Yu-Gi-Oh on a giant blimp when he suddenly pressed a button which shot me out of a cannon, and I flew all the way to Hell.

(Credo stares at Agnus, speechless)

Agnus: What's wr-wr-wr-wr-wrong, Credo?

Credo: You're such a fucking dumbass!

Agnus: What?

Credo: Couldn't you just step out of the way when that cannon appeared!? Jesus Christ, that's what I did!

Agnus: But it was too fast!

Credo: IT TAKES TWENTY MINUTES TO FUCKING SET UP!!!!

(Credo and Agnus continue talking unbeknownst that on a very high clock tower stands Altair from Assassins Creed with a bunch of his buddies)

Guy 1: Hurry up, dude!

Guy 2: Come on! You said you'll do the dare!

(Various buddies start to smoke their marijuana like stoners and 'Jump you pussy!')

Altair: Alright, alright!!! Save me some drugs!

Guy 1: Alright!! You're so cool because you're doing what we tell you and you're basically our puppet!

(Altair performs his 'Leap of Faith', jumping for a trampoline)

Credo: Jesus, you're always getting owned in Yu-Gi-Oh!!!

Agnus: Hey, look!!! It's a trampoline!!!(points at trampoline)

Credo: What?

Agnus: I love these things! (Jumps on trampoline and breaks it immediately while Altair falls down onto the broken trampoline and dies)

Credo: Uhhhhh….

(Agnus screams like a little sissy girl, while Credo unsheathes his sword and starts poking Altair's dead body with it)

Agnus: Is he alright?

Credo: No, he's not fucking alright! He fell to his after-death because your ten-thousand pound ass broke his fucking trampoline! What else did you possibly think?

Agnus: He could be drunk…

Credo: Like how you were at my 30th birthday party?

Agnus: I wasn't that bad!

Credo: You were trying to grope Jesus!

Agnus: He was giving me mixed messages!

Credo: Yeah, if you think 'Fuck off!' and 'Eat shit' are any sort of indication for a relationship, sure!

_(Lucia interrupts the audio)_

Lucia: Dante, can you stop staring at me like that?

(Dante is glaring at Lucia, holding Rebellion on the table as if to threaten her with it)

Dante: Like….**WHAT!?!?!?!?!1/1/11!!?!?!**

Lucia: Seriously, you're really disturbing me…

Dante: Like how?! Like how you 'disturbed' **MY** franchise!!!

Lucia: Please, Dante. Let's just be mature about this all…

Dante: Who are you working for!?

Lucia: What?

Producer: This should be good…

Dante: You're one of Ryu Hayabusa's whores are you? Or are you working with Bayonetta?!

Lucia: What are you talking about!?

Dante: Don't lie to me! I knew you were trying to destroy the Devil May Cry franchise from day one!!!

Lucia: It's not like that!!!

(Dante continues to abuse Lucia while the Executive grabs the script)

Producer: Okay anyway, back to the story…

_(Altair's buddies ran down all the way to the bottom of the tower and see Altair on the floor and Credo's sword which he was poking Altair with, covered in blood)._

Guy 1: Hey, you killed my friend!

Credo: What!? It was this fat-asses fault that your dumbass friend is dead!

Guy 2: Oh, you're clearly innocent because you called our friend a dumbass! Thanks for insulting him, we really wanted to here that! (Runs off and starts to cry like a girl )

Agnus: Sorry, sir?

Credo: You broke the trampoline, Agnus! Or did have you're eyes closed for the last ninety seconds?!

Agnus: Agnus? My name is Bob! I must say I have no idea who you are!

Guy 1: That's it! I'm going to kill you both! **FUCK THE POLICE!!! **(Puts his hand in an 'FTP' gesture and sings 'Fuck The Police' by Rage Against The Machine/ Some hip-hop rapper)

Credo: Are you stoned?

Guy 1: Hell naw!!!!1!!1!1!11 Hey, what the fuck is with those rainbows?!

(Credo looks up at the red sky, and stares at the guy, very concerned)

Agnus: I say, all you people need a therapist…

Credo: Oh yeah? Well you need a sex change so (stabs Agnus in the balls), here you go!!!

(Agnus screams in pain)

Guy 1: Hahahahaha! Nice one! (Holds hand up for a high-five)

(Credo chops his hand off and all the other stoned buddies wobble away, with a couple of them falling over)

Credo: Haha, I have no idea why he deserved that! (Credo walks up to the guys marijuana in the severed hand, grabs and begins to sniff at it.)

(Agnus walks up to Credo)

Agnus: Thanks Credo.

Credo: For what?

Agnus: Now I don't have t-t-t-t-testicles!

Credo: Well tick one off the list…(Credo ticks off 'Lose his balls' on a list which says 'Agnus's list on being a girl'. He currently has 'Act like a pussy' and 'Have a big pair of boobs' ticked on the list). Now what do we do?

(Some old man walks up to Credo)

Old Man: Hey, do you know where Altair is? He's the only one that can kill the demons?

Credo: I can kill demons as well.

Old Man: Yeah sure! How many of those things have you been smoking, dumbass?!(Points at marijuana in Credo's hand)

Credo: Wait, what!?

Agnus: I'm Altar!

Old Man: Oh, good! Thank goodness I found you, _Altair_!! I must show you all these places which have been under attack by demons!

Credo: How many would be there?

Old Man: At least 20,000, altogether in all of the attacked sites.

Credo: How convenient…

Old Man: Yes, it's so convenient that there are a load of demons attacking these poor peasants. Seriously, don't take too much of that shit,(Agnus begins to smoke some marijuana that he stole from the stoners behind the Old Man's back and blows smoke in his direction) I can smell your pot from here!

Credo: I'm not a fucking stoner you fucking jackass!!

Agnus: Take it easy, dude. Altar thinks that you should chillax a bit…

Credo: The name isn't even fucking _**ALTAR!!!**_

(Credo, Agnus and the Old Man continue arguing onto the way at where ever they're going)

_(The view returns to the board room where the Producer is reading through the script aloud to himself as Dante and Lucia are arguing)_

Dante: Fuck you! You ruined my life, you stupid bitch!!! I used to be a rockstar before you! Now all I'm left with is bankruptcy and AIDS!!! **AIDS!!!!**

Lucia: I came here to help! I don't need this! (Begins to babble in foreign language, starts waving her hands up in the air in anger and walks about).

(Awkward silence)

Dante: Soooooo….

Producer: What?

Dante: Can you pass the script, please?


	3. Another Day At Work

_So Dante has AIDS, huh? Who'd have guessed? No one?_

_Anyway, this episode is…whatever. Begin the story! (I hope Christian Bale doesn't read fan-fics.)_

**Episode Three: Another Day at Work**

(Trish is sitting on Dante's desk, with a typewriter on the desk, writing the script for the next episode while Dante still is annoying her, Stewie Griffin still acts as the story narrator's bodyguard and Lady is still screaming maniacally at Trish down the bottom of the bottomless hole as she begins to lose her sanity, all while Vergil is reading his book)

Dante: (Presses G and F on the typewriter randomly) Ha, ha! Who the Hell is Cregdo and Fagnus?

Stewie: (Poking at Trish as if she's his mother, Lois) Hey, Lois. Hey, Lois. Hey, Lois. Hey, Lois. Hey, Lois. Hey, Lois…

Lady: I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!! I'M GOING TO FUCKING RIP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT AND EAT THEM!!! **AND I'M GOING TO BRING SOME FUCKING KETCHUP!!!!**

(Trish finally has enough and stands up)

Trish: WILL YOU ALL **JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!?!!!1!!!11!!?**

(Long silence for a while)

Dante: Sorry Trish

Lady: YEAH, I'M SORRY AS WELL!!!!

Stewie: Yes. Sorry Lois…

Dante: What the fuck! She's not even your mother! If anything, I should be pretending that she's my mother!

Stewie: Oh yeah? With all that time you guys spend in the bedroom, that's kinda sick!

Dante: …..

Trish: …..

Dante: Shut up!

Lady: OH SO AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, DANTE!?!?!1

Dante: You're down a fucking hole, bitch!!!

Trish: Guys, I'm writing a fucking story here!

Lady: YEAH, RUB IT IN FOR ANOTHER TIME!

Trish: I'm saying shut your fucking sandwich hole!!

(Silence for a while as Trish types down for a while, until Dante breaks the silence and Trish loses her concentration)

Dante: HEY LADY! SHE SAID THAT AS IF WE EAT HER CRAPPY SANDWICHES!!!

(Lady's distant laughter is heard)

Stewie: Ha, ha, ha! And remember when we got 'Devil May Cry' egged by Patti and we retaliated by throwing Trish's sandwiches at her house!!

Dante: And she ran out saying "Oh my god! We're getting bird-shit thrown at our house"!!!

Lady: AND THEN WE WERE BEING CHASED BY THE COPS AND….

(Trish snaps once again)

Trish: FOR FUCK SAKE!!!!!** DON'T YOU GUYS EVER SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS!?!!1?!**

(A smaller silence is broken when Lady continued with her story)

Lady: AND THEN WE DESTROYED THE COP CARS BY THROWING MORE SANDWICHES!!!

(Everyone laughs except for Trish who grabs her typewriter and throws it down the hole Lady is in. A thud is heard)

Lady: OWWW!!!

(Silence for a while, until Lady starts to read the script)

Lady: HA, HA!!! WHO THE FUCK IS CREGDO AND FAGNUS!?

Dante: Ha, ha! That's what I said!

Trish: (Goes berserk) **FUCKING! BAHLAHLAHBLAHLAHLAH!!** (Walks out of the room, to some random exit)

(The producer walks through the exit, passing Trish and looks at her, curious of what just happened)

Producer: Did I miss something?

Everyone in the room: Meh…

Producer: Meh...? Whatever, okay where's the story? And who are these people?!

Dante: Oh, sorry! How rude of me! (Puts hand behind Producer's back and leads him to Stewie) This is Mr. Griffin, who is Trish's security…

Stewie: Hi, there!

Dante: …And this is Mary…

Lady: FUCK YOU, DANTE!!!

Dante: …Who is the crazy woman that got kicked down a hole…

Lady: HOW DO YOU DO, PRODUCER!?!!

Producer: How do you do, uh, Mary…

(Producer awkwardly waves to the dark hole in which he can see nothing down there)

Dante: And this is Vergil. Would you like to talk to the very nice Producer, Vergil?

Vergil: Not interested.

Dante: He doesn't say much.

Producer: So he's like you, but he's not an asshole?

(Vergil laughs)

Dante: I'm going to ignore that insult. So this is the story. TAKE IT AWAY, MARY!!!

Lady: OKAY!!! ONCE UPON A TIME…!!!!

_(The picture changes back into a small village, where Credo and Agnus meet up with the Old Man's villagers, where the Old Man proclaims Agnus as their 'savior')_

Credo: So where are we going? And who are you?

Old Man: I am Altair's old boss, Masyaf Al Mualim.

(Two random people run into the room and say one line each)

Cregdo: Okay I'll just call you Old Man.

Fagnus: So where are we going?

(Cregdo and Fagnus run off)

Old Man: We're already here! (Points out that they're already at the village where they are up on a stage, with a bunch of people crowding around, cheering 'Altair')

Credo: What's going on here?

Old Man: I've told you a hundred times already!

Credo: No, you just rambled on to yourself, dickface!

Old Man: Okay then, you're here because (Begins to ramble to himself).

Credo: Oh, for fuck sake!

Old Man: (To the crowd) All who are scared! Be aware that salvation is here! (Gestures his hand to Agnus) Altair will lead us to the land of… (Rambles more on a whole load of crap)

Credo: You're a bastard!

Agnus: What!?

Credo: Walking in here like you were the king of England! I was the Lieutenant of the Angel Police force! The Police force!!! While you were crying in the corner because no one liked you!

Agnus: Yeah! So what's your problem!?

Credo: I earned my reputation! And now I'm in Hell, everyone here is worshipping you as if you're this guy that you claim to be! YOU DIDN'T EVEN EARN YOUR REPUTATION….!!! THAT'S IT!!! **DO YOU WANT ME TO TRASH YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS!?!!!!?1!!1**

(Credo keeps yelling unknown to him that everyone is watching him acting like Christian Bale)

Old Man: Credo, please…

Credo: **NOOOO! NOOOOO, BRYCE, NO! IF HE'S NOT OUT OF HERE, I QUIT!!! WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE ANYWAY!!!?!**

Agnus: I didn't do anything…

Credo:(In imitating voice)** OHHH! YOU WERE UP IN THE LIGHTS!!!**

Agnus whispers to himself:_ What lights…?_

Old Man: Hmmmm…. (Whips out a video camera and begins taping the whole episode)

Credo:** …RAWR, RAWR, RAWR!!! **(In Indian voice)** YOU KICKED MY DOG!!!! **

(Arnold Schwarzenegger comes out of nowhere)

Arnie: Hey you! Get dahwn…to da farhmacy and take a _chill _pill!!! (Two references to his movies right there)

Credo:** HOW DO I GET TO THE PHARMACY THEN!?!!!**

Arnie: Get to dah choppah!!! And stop being such a sissie gurl!!! (One in this line)

_(Producer interrupts the audio and the picture changes back to Dante and the Producer)_

Producer: I can't air this on television!

Dante: What's wrong with it?

Lady: YEAH! WHAT'S WRONG DUDE!!?!?!!!

Producer: Because Arnie doesn't do shows no more! Instead he's some governor of some place, gaining weight and all that stuff…

Dante: Fffffi…whatever, we'll just use CGI or pick up an Austrian muscle man from the street…

Producer: Because Austria is swarming with body builders.

Dante: …

Producer: …

Dante: No u.

Producer: What?

Dante: No u.

Producer: Hmmmm, okay just keep going…

Lady: OKAY THEN!!!!!

Dante: No u.

_(The picture returns to Credo's tirade)_

Credo: **GET OFF THE FUCKING SET, YA PRRRIIICCCKK!**

Arnie: I'll be bahck!!! (Walks away)(One last reference)

Credo: Hmmm, where was I…oh, yeah…(Turns to Agnus)** IT'S FUCKING DISTRACTING!!!!!**

Agnus: What's distracting?

(Batman flies down from nowhere and turns to Agnus)

Batman: Drop the gun.

Agnus: What gun?

Batman: What? No gun? But I heard someone screaming like a little girl…

(Credo completely forgets how angry he is and approaches Batman for an autograph)

Credo: Hey… Batman. Can I have an… an autograph?

Batman: …Meh, sure… (Autographs his hand)

Credo: AWESOME!!! I'LL NEVER WASH MY…

(A random monster truck passes by and mud flies all over the place and covers Credo's hand)

Credo: FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!

Agnus: I don't know what the big deal is. I've always been more of a S-s-s-s-superman fan.

Batman: Superman fan? SUPERMAN FAN?!!? THAT'S IT!!!11!! **DO YOU WANT ME TO TRASH YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS!?!!!!?1!!1**

Old Man: Ugh, don't start this shit again!

Batman: Sorry…

Agnus: So what are you doing here Batman? I thought you were a good guy.

Batman: Well, I was playing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh with my friend Lucius when I needed to grab a jacket out of the wardrobe and then this…

Credo: So you have to kill over nine-thhoooouuuusaaaaannnddd demons as well?

Batman: Yeah. So you wanna team up?

Credo: Hmmmm, not really. Already did the team up with another franchise thing last season. Wouldn't want things to get repetitive…

(Batman goes sad)

Credo: …Nah! Just kidding!!!

Batman: Alright!!! Let's do this!

Old Man: Okay, I'll teleport you guys to the location so that these fans watching this show won't have to listen to you three rant on about rubbish.

Batman: Show, what show?! I thought we're doing a movie! Awwww, what! I'm going!!!

Old Man: What!? Uhhh, show? Did I say 'show'?! Well I clearly meant 'movie'!!! Yeah, 'The Credo Movie'!!!! 'So that these fans watching this _movie_ won't have to listen to you three rant on about rubbish!!! That's what I meant…

Batman: Oh, my mistake…

Credo: Three? Oh yeah, Agnus…

(The first mission finally begins after three episodes)

Credo: ... So…

_(Then the script stops from there)_

Producer: SO THAT'S IT MARY!?!

Lady: DON'T CALL ME MARY!!!!

Producer: WHY NOT!?!

Lady: BECAUSE OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Producer: UHHHH, OKAY WEIRD LADY!!!! (Turns to Dante) So now what?

Dante: Meh…

Producer: Where is Trish now?

Dante: Through the door you walked past.

Producer: What, the closet over there?

Dante: What were you doing in the closet? Jacking off, I bet!

Producer: You locked me in there for cutting your salary!!!

Dante: Meh…

Producer: …Meh? Would you people stop saying fucking 'Meh'!?!!?!!1!!!?!11

Dante: Hmmmm… Meh…

Everyone else: Meh…

Producer: Ugh!!! Fucking retard…!!! I'll go get her…

_So that's what I did for now. A bit long, I guess but…Meh…_


	4. In ze Closet!

Unfortunately, since Trish is in the closet, there will be no Credo in this episode of 'The Credo Show', and plus in the mean time, I can think of any more jokes for them…

Anyway, how will the Producer get Trish out of the closet? Will he? Stay tuned…

Episode Four: Another Day in the Closet.

(Trish is still in the closet and the producer is outside the closet door trying to get her out of the closet)

Producer: Trish? Trish, are you there?

Trish: Go away!

Dante: No u.

(Trish starts crying)

Producer: Awww, shh, shh, shh… (Turns to Dante) Dante, get the fuck out of here!!!

Dante: Meh… (Walks off)

Producer: You see that Trish!? The big, mean, emo man is going away!

Trish: *sniffle, sniffle*…Really?

Producer: Yes, really…So… So you wanna get out of the closet?

Trish:…No!

Producer: Trish!!! Get the fuck out of the closet, now!!! I wanna jack off again!!!

Trish: No!!!

Producer: Dad!!! Tom Cruise, uhhh, I mean, Trish won't come out of the closet!!!

Producer's Dad: …Trish? You have to get out of the closet okay? Now, get out of the closet…

(Stan and Kyle from South Park come out of nowhere)

Stan: What the fuck was that!?

Kyle: You guys told us you weren't going to rip us off!!!

(Stewie Griffin comes out of nowhere)

Stewie: Hey, South Park guys, what seat were you losers sitting in at the Emmy awards?

Kyle: Screw you, jack ass, our show's still better than yours, even if you still have a trophy.

Stewie: Yeah, better at pissing off terrorists and Jews. I heard they're going to blow up you guys up before they blow up the White House! Hahahahahahah!

Stan: Dude, just stop fucking ripping us off!!!

Kyle: Yeah, why don't you guys try being original, you fucking jerks!?

Producer: Oh yeah, Kyle, Mr Original!!! Why don't you get the original celebrities on your show to tell us how to be original!? THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FUCKING PHONIE VOICE ACTORS!!!

Stan: Fuck you, bitch! You know they're too busy with their celebrity homework!!

Producer: That's what they told you? Well, every time they call me up, they keep telling me 'those South Park jerks won't leave me alone'!

Kyle:.....(Long pause)..... You're lying!!!

Producer: Stewie, I think your buddies want to listen to a recording of the celebrities.

Stewie: With pleasure...(Plays recording)

Recording tape: "_Ugh, man those losers wouldn't shut up! I was all like 'I have to do my homework right now so I can't come up', but we know the truth, right?"_

Stan: Oh my god.... Tom Cruise just dissed us.

Stewie: If you'd like, I'd play the part where John Travolta says he thinks you're gay...

Kyle: That's... That's ironic.

(Producer leaves his Dad with Trish, and Stan and Kyle with Stewie and talks with Dante)

Producer: Ugh, it's no use! She'll never get out of the closet!

Dante: Meh…

Producer: What the fuck did I say about using that word!? That's it! This isn't going unpunished anymore!

Dante: Whadda you gonna do about it!? (Puts his arms up in the way that all bullies do when they say 'whadda you gonna do a about it!?' in movies)

Producer: Cut your salary again!

(The scene changes to the closet again except the Producer is locked in now, with Trish)

Producer: Dante!! This isn't funny!!! I could suffocate!!!

Dante: Meh…

Producer: Ugh, whatever…(Unzipping sound)

Trish: Hey, what are you doing? Oh, please god no!!! Don't jack off here!11!!!1!! Please, someone get me out of here!!! (Some thudding noises on the door are heard)

Dante: Sorry? What? Can't hear you! (Walks off) Hey, anybody know how to make an episode of 'The Credo Show'? What about you, Stewie? You wanna be a superstar? Who wanna be a super star? (Changes voice to dog like voice, and picks him up as if to treat him like a baby) Ru ranna re a ruper-rar!? Ru ranna re a ruper-rar!?!!

Stewie: Shut up, you stupid buffoon! And no, I ron't ranna re a ruper-rar, arsehole…

Dante: Okkkkaaaaayyyyy… what about you Lady?

Lady: YES, PLEASE!!!!!

Dante: No?! Ru ron't re a ruper-rar!?!!

Lady: YES I DO, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!(Yells at Dante)

Dante: What about you, Verge? (Rolls eyes)

Vergil: …Yeah, sure…

Dante: What?!

Vergil: Yeah, sure! Here's my script!!(Passes script to Dante)

(Dante reads the script and after a while, he tearfully hands it back)

Dante: This script… Is the best script in the universe…

Vergil: Meh…

Lady: WHAT!? NO WAY, DANTE!!!! I'VE MADE A WAAAAYYY BETTER SCRIPT WITH THIS BROKEN TYPEWRITER!!!!

(Vergil drops his script down the bottomless hole, for Lady to read and then…)

Lady: OH MY GOD, THIS SCRIPT IS PERFECT!!!!!1!!1!111

Dante: Yes, I know…Can you give it back now?

Lady: …NO!!!

Dante: What!?

Lady: I DON'T WANNA! THIS IS MY SCRIPT!!!!! MINE!!!!

(Vergil teleports down and grabs the script from Lady)

Lady: AWWWWWW, FUCK!!!!...HEY, VERGE!!! YA WANNA TRADE SCRIPTS?!!?

Vergil: Not interested…

(Lady goes insane again)

Dante: Dude, we so gotta show this to the producer!

Vergil: Not interested.

Dante: What? What do you mean dude? Ru ron't ranna re a ruper-rar?

Vergil: Nah, it's just…I already posted it on …

Dante: …Dude…What the FUCK, MAN!?!?!111! Do you realize what this means?! It means we have to settle with using Lady's fucking script! I'm sorry, you have to delete the script off the website!

Vergil: Don't you dare!!!

(Dante hops onto the computer)

Dante: This is for your own good, bro…

Vergil: …That's it! I'm going to bitch-slap you so god damn hard!!!(Pull up his sleeves)

(Dante and Vergil both struggle at each other while Dante is trying to delete the script. Dante then punches Vergil on his ass.)

Vergil: Oh, you fucking twat!

Dante: Whadda you gonna do about it!? (Puts his arms up in the way that all bullies do when they say 'whadda you gonna do a about it!?' in movies)

(The scene changes to the closet again except the Dante is locked in now, with Trish and the Producer)

Producer: Hey, so Dante?

Dante: WWWWWHHHHAAATT!?!111!!

Producer: You ever heard of karma? That's what happening now…

Dante: You ever heard of decapitation? It's about to happen if you don't shut the fuck up!... You wanna move over?

Producer: Why?

Dante: Kinda boring here, think I might jack off…

Producer: No you won't. You need a penis first…

(A loud punch sound is heard)

Producer: Awwwww, fuck!!

Dante: Awww, come on Verge!!!! Let me out! Or maybe I'll tell these guys what happened when we were twelve!!!

Producer: What happened?

Vergil: You do that and I'll post that video of you in the shower brushing your 'My Little Pony' collection on the internet!! And maybe I'll start reading sections of your diary!

Dante: You wouldn't dare!!!

(Vergil walks over to Dante's diary)

Vergil: Okay, I'm walking over to the diary…!

Dante: Don't fucking do it!!!

(Vergil opens the diary and taunts at Dante)

Vergil: I'm opening it and there's no Dante! What would Dante do!?

Dante: I'm fucking warning you!!!

(Vergil finally reads it)

Vergil: Dear Diary, there is this woman that looks exactly like my mommy. She has prettiful blonde hair and an outfit that mom wore at Halloween! Or maybe, it was a red light district. I wonder if she'd let me suck her teety, like how I used to when I was ten...

Dante: YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!! (Thudding sounds on the door)

Vergil: …I like teety. Teety make me feel happee! My father never let me suck teety because he wanted me to be big and strong and teety no big and strong. But my mom let me suck teety when daddy not there…(Starts to burst out laughing)

Trish: Ummmmm…

Producer: Dude… TEETY!?!!?!1 (Starts to laugh as well until a punching noise is heard) Awww, fuck!!!

Dante: Where did it hurt, in your vagina?!

Producer: Nah, in my teety!!! (Laughs again)

Dante: Vergil got beaten up by an eight year old girl with a doll up his ass, when he was twelve!!!

Vergil: Dear diary! Trish was just a big fat meanie! She betrayed me, and I had to save her and to top it off, she never let me have teetie!!!! I h=HATE HER!!!!!!!!

Dante: Hey guys, wanna hear some of Vergil's emo poetry!?

Vergil: For the last time, I'm not a fuckin' emo!!!!

Dante: "Roses are red, so is my heart, because it feels like, it's been shot like a dart!"

(A pause)

Vergil: ...That's Nero's poetry, you retard!

Dante: Fuck... You're still an emo!

Vergil: That's it! I'm posting this up on my blog!

Dante: I'll tell the moderators on you!!!

Vergil: Nah, don't! I'm telling!

Dante: Why?

Vergil: I'll tell on you that you're telling on me!

(Meanwhile, Lady is at the bottom of the bottomless pit and she typing the latest adventure of Credo…which will continue next time!)


	5. Lady's Episode

_Hi, guys. I've been reading loads of comic books lately so I hope I don't overkill the comic references._

**Episode Five: Lady's Epic-sode**

(Skipping the beginning of the show which introduce Trish and the crew's antics, we go straight to the adventures of Credo. The show's theme has changed drastically in a sort of darker style and everyone seems more different than their 'Trish-version' counterparts)

(Credo narrates the beginning as if like a journal voice over, from Watchmen, while sitting in a toilet, writing in a diary, also with a croaky voice.)

_Credo: Credo's Journal. October 20, 2009. 6:39P.M. Sun-Setting. Writing in toilet cubicle. Outside isn't safe. People could be watching me. Writing in diary as I speak. Or seen me jacking off five minutes ago. This city's afraid of me. It's seen my huge chest hairs. They think I'm the son of Chuck Norris and that they'll drown in my entangling chest hairs and all the whore and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' and I'll…_

(The cubicle's door is knocked on and Batman talks)

Batman: Credo! Hurry the fuck up!!!!

(Credo walks out wearing Rorschach's mask from Watchmen)

Batman: And stop wearing that damn mask!! (Swipes mask off his face)

Credo: My face!!!(Starts spitting while talking) Give me back my face!!!!!!

(Agnus walks in and he is buffed up and holds a gigantic sword. He is no longer gay and is a homophobe).

Credo: C'mon, Batman!!! Stop being gay!!!

Agnus: WHAT!!!?!?!?! WHO'S GAY!!!! (Turns to Batman and starts slashing at him when he suspects him of being gay)

Batman: Ahhh, fuck! My hand!

Agnus: 'Fuck your hand'!? You must be gay!!! (Kills Batman)

Credo: Uhhhhh, that wasn't necessary…

Agnus: But you heard him! He said 'Fuck my hand!'…

Credo: He said 'Fuck! Pause. My hand!'

Agnus: Strange, didn't hear the 'pause' part.

Credo: Yeah! It's a pause…!

(The duo arrive at the demon riddled city and they see Batman waiting for them. Credo attempts to replace Rorschach's mask with a lava lamp stuck on his face.)

Credo: Hey! How the hell did you come back from the afterdeath!?

Batman: I wasn't dead to begin with!

Agnus: Heh, heh, I bet it just got retconned.

Batman: What was that!?

Agnus: I'm sick of you comic book heroes getting revived every twelve seconds while game characters like us are sent to the afterlife! This is bullshit!

Credo: Now, everyone let's just take a deep breath…

Batman: Agnus, go blow yourself! I came into Hell alive and since you killed me, I'm back as a dead soul!

Agnus: At least I'm not gay!

Batman: What the fuck are you on about?! How is that relevant to anything!

Agnus: Because since you like sucking dick, God sent you to Hell! Again!

(Credo gets involved in a random battle)

Batman: No! It's because I beat him in poker!!! Either that or because of 'The Dark Knight Strikes Again'.

Agnus: Yeah, you beat his ass with your poker stick! You should rename yourself 'Bate-man'! Short for 'Master Bate-Man'! You know why? BCUZ UR GAY!!!

Batman: Oh, yeah! Never heard that joke! And 80% of all homophobes are gay!

Agnus: 70% of statistics are incorrect!

Batman: Is that one of them?

Credo: Hey! This is your queue to join the battle!

Batman: Yeah! Let's forget completely about our heated argument!

Agnus: Fun idea!!!

(Agnus attacks the demons and Batman throws Holy Water covered Batarangs at them and the team goes of to battle in their first mission of the season.)

*Boss battle begins*

(Batman is punching over demons and Agnus and Credo slash at others until a voice is heard)

???: IT'S GRANDMA SANCTUS, BITCHES!!!

(Everyone turns around, and to their apparent surprise, '???' is Grandma Sanctus from the first 'The Credo Show', still wielding Agni & Rudra)

Credo: Grandma Sanctus!?! But how!?? I would have thought Nero kicked your ass!

Grandma Sanctus: Fuck no! I sent dat bitch to Froggy Land.

Rudra: Hell yeah, mofo!

Agni: Mofo? What is '_mofo_'?

Rudra: Well, a 'mofo' is when…

Credo: Hey! Shut up!

(Agnus and Batman does that weird 'OHHHHHH' noise when black people exchange 'yo momma' jokes)

Rudra: What chyu say to me, yo?

Agni: You bettah show my homeboy some respect, boy!

Credo: I ain't 'cha boy, kid.

Agni: I ain't 'cha kid, son.

Credo: I ain't 'cha son, father.

Rudra: Damn fool, enough a dis! We settle this at the Dance-Off!

(Credo goes up to Rudra, really close, like how gangsters do when they try to be intimidating)

Credo: Say that to my face, dawg!

Rudra: I ain't 'cha dawg, fool!

Credo: I ain't…

Rudra: …Gaht nuh'in on me!

Credo: Better watch yo back…**_ON DA STREETS!!!!!!_**

(The dance-off battle begins. The game changes to a Dance Dance Revolution format and boss 'battle' begins)

*Boss Battle ends*

(Credo, Agnus and Batman all get their asses handed to themselves in the dance off.)

Grandma Sanctus: You better check yourself, son!!

Agnus: I ain't 'cha son, grandma!

Grandma Sanctus: I ain't 'cha…!

(Credo snaps, yells out 'FUCK DIS SHIT!!' and slashes Grandma in half. He then proceeds to repeatedly slash at her carcass for a while.)

Agnus: Wow. What's next? Killing an ant with a rocket-launcher?

(The camera pans in on Credo starting to get up like a badass, after slaughtering Grandma Sanctus, and puts on some sunglasses, which is weird because he still has that lava-lamp on his face.)

Credo: Maybe…

('The Who' music plays as credits roll.)


End file.
